My godmother passed away on Saturday morning. She had cancer. She was like a second mother to me. She helped raise me and taught me so many things. Today was her funeral.
I loved her very much.
I’ll miss her a lot.
Be at peace nana.
Also, I found a new ticklish spot on the back of his neck. hehe!
Guess who rolled over for the first time today!!!! He went from his back to his front (while trying to get a better view of the tv, but, whatever) 
I’m so proud!
Mr. Cutieface is all high on Infant Tyl.enol while we wait for his appointment. He’s getting shots today.
…..Later…
Ok, appointment’s all done, shots are all done. The Tyl.enol made him all loopy and dulled the first shot. He was all like “What was that? A shot? Haha lady that didn’t hurt a bit! HAHA bbbrrppppttttttt!!!! I laugh and blow raspberries at you! HAHA!” Then he got the second shot and was all like ” O.M.G.!!!! THAT HURT!!!!! WAAAaaahhh!!”
He stopped crying not to long afterwards though and now, 30 minutes later is totally passed out.
Re: Flu shots
I asked the Dr what she recommends for us. Since Mr. Sleepy is too young for either shot he will have to wait until he’s 6 months old to get them, and yes, she recommends he get both. For me, I told her that I’ve never had the regular flu so I generally don’t get the regular flu shot and she was fine with that. But she told me that even though I’m at low risk of catching the H1N1 virus what with me being mostly at home on mat leave, I should definitely get it eventually within the next few months since I’m in it’s target demographic. And since I work for a hospital she thinks I’ll be able to get it through work without having to stand in one of the massive public city flu shot clinic lineups that have sprung up in my city. So there it is.
And I’ve been mothering like a really…tired…dog.
That’s been my life for what seems like forever.
Mr. Cutieface is going to be 4 months old on Friday and, as usual, I’ve got a few posts rattling around in my brain that I’ve got a few minutes to put out there while he’s with my mom, and I’m on a mini-baby-break.
That said, I’m multi-tasking this too, listening to Kevin Smith’s recent interview on CBC Radio, on the topic of Twitter.
Mr. Cutieface had been sleeping through the night (and by through the night I mean he would fall asleep around midnight give or take a half an hour or so, and sleep until around 6:30 in the morning…heaven…) but over the last 3 or 4 days he’s decided that waking up to eat at around 3:30 sharp would be a good idea, throwing my sleep and my sanity pretty much out the window. Granted, it’s probably a growth spurt thing since his sleeping and eating pattern throughout the day has changed slightly as well, but still…we were in such a good grove for a while there. *sigh*
Anyways, here’s where I take a blog break to go check on him as he’s with my mom in the living room and it’s gotten really quiet all of a sudden. Must go make sure that they’re both still alive.
An opportunity to send my resume to the head of HR at a great company that is opening a new office in my city has come up. This person happens to be my neighbour’s sister-in-law and he told hubby to tell me to give him my resume so that he could pass it on to her. Which I did. Am I crazy? You bet! Sending out your resume when you still have 9 months left on your mat leave and you already have a perfectly good job to go back to is a little crazy, I admit it, but it’s an oppourtnity I’d be an idiot to pass up.
You know what they say when it comes to getting a job, it’s not what you know, it’s who you know. And who I’ve known has gotten me 90% of the jobs I have ever had. So there you go. I’ve passed along my resumes (yes 2 of them). One highlighting my corporate communications skills and experience (what I was trained to do) and one for admin work (what I love to do). I’d be happy to take a job doing either, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I’d prefer the communications job cause it pays better. That said, admin work is more steady and I’d enjoy doing it more.
Regardless, even if I were lucky enough to be considered for any job by this company, I’d only take it if it payed more than what I’m already making (obviously). And then there’s the question of whether or not I’d go back to work before my mat leave is finished…well…the offer would have to be pretty damn good I’ll tell you what.
We’re moving!!!
Long story short (i really don’t want to rehash my conversation with mom here) but hubby and I are escaping the crazy house and moving in the new year!
Yay!
We’re aiming towards Feb – March (I can’t wait!!!)
We’d do it earlier if we could afford it, but by the time moving time rolls around my employer will have stopped topping up my mat leave pay and we’ll be using up all our savings (and then some) just to stay afloat. But we’ve gotten out of the red before and I know we can do it again! Besides, It will be worth it to gain back some all of my sanity.
So now the big questions are before us…where do we want to move to…what kind of place do we want…what kind of place can we afford…
We have to stick it out someplace for 1 year until our bank loan is paid off next December, then we’ll have enough money to get a nice place. Rental, of course, no way we can save enough for a down payment on a house.
I just got my google reader down to under 100 posts!!!
For the first time in since forever!!!!
Awesome!
a bunch of random things
mobile posted from my blackberry
cause clearly it’s the only way this blogging thing is going to get done
will likely update this post as the day goes on
——-
7:23 am
• Pecking posts out on my blackberry is ridiculous. I’d rather be catching up on twitter
• Damn I just forgot what my second bullet was going to be, was distracted by the fact that I should be checking twitter
• Save draft. Think a moment.
• Now I remember – finally getting caught up on google reader. Other peoples posts make me happy. Google reader is now at around 400+. Seriously, that’s an improvement for me.
7:34am
•back from checking Twitter. Not much going on over there. Guess that’s what I get for being up this early.
•got a great deal the other day (yesterday?) on a great gift for rosesdaughter over at Baby Making Chronicles (don’t know how to add the link to her blog as I am using WP mobile for blackberry. Yo! WordPress dudes! Get on that will ya!) It’s been a complicated process trying to send her something as I’m up in Canada and she’s down in the States and wouldn’t you know it Babies R Us US doesn’t allow out of country buyers. *shrug* In any case, was able to get her something that I hope she likes and will find handy. It’s one of my fave things, haven’t posted about it yet cause I don’t want to spoil the surprise 
•going pumpkin picking with Mr. Cutieface and the hubby today. But who are we kidding here, this trip is mainly for my own amusement as it will provide for many a cutieface photo op
•speaking of photos, cashed in on a free photo studio session and got some 3 months photos done. They turned out really nice.
7:49am
•checked Twitter again. Seriously, that shit is addictive
•spent the last two days taking transit to the mall to get new glasses, a fall jacket for me and a winter feety onsie for the kid. Woke up this morning with what I think may be the. start of a cold. Damn public germs! My throat is kind of dry scratchy in the back and the more I obsess over it the worse it seems to get. I won’t be surprised if I come down with a cold. I’ve been pretty stressed lately. Had a great release and revelation last night. More on that later. I’m just glad I haven’t come down with a cold sore (knock on wood).
• Save draft
• Check twitter again
• Check email
8:01am
• I’m hungry
•joined a local Meetup group for moms. They are also going pumpkin picking today. I won’t be meeting up with them though because a) I’m chicken about meeting new people, ridiculous, I know, and 2) they’re meeting at 10am and seriously, what kind of mom is able to be up and out of the house that damn early? I’m still in bed and plan on tank g a nap soon. Sheesh.
•twitter light is blinking again. Must check. Blackberry blogging is hard. So many distractions.
11:30am
•waking up from nap to the sensation of kid kicking me. I have to pee. His diaper is wet. Don’t feel like getting out of bed to deal with either. Feed him instead. Listen to him make yummy noises while he eats. Try to determine if throat is getting sorer, or if I’m just imagining it. Oh man I really have to pee, should have done that first.
•finished feeding him. He’s happy now, and farting. Oh wait, not farting pooping. Will go pee while he finishes pooping and HOLY COW my period just started!! Wow. Totally did not see that one coming.
1:00pm
•check Twitter
• Yeah, I don’t think we’re gonna make it to the pumpkin patch today. It’s a lazy day Saturday. Everyone is taking a nap instead. Hubby is gonna bbq later.
•wow, these new Infinity Always pads are amazing! Thank goodness for free samples. Imma have to pick more of these up today.
•I am just shy of 16weeks post partum. That’s 3.5 months. I thought I might have ovulated a week or so ago (I know, crazy right?!?) But I didn’t think much of it, chalking it up to weird post partum sensations. At the time I remember thinking that if I had a period by the end of the month, I’d know that was what it was. Apparently I was right.
• Have decided not to use any hormonal contraceptives. No need to poke the bear.
•wonder if I’ll start having regular cycles again? The miscarriage screwed me up. I’m hoping the pregnancy has set everything straight again.
•hubby wants to try for a cutieface 2.0 once I’m back to work in the spring. Wouldn’t it be wild if we didn’t need an army of lab coat professionals to get it done?
•oh THERE are the cramps. I certainly didn’t miss those this past year
•Amazing. A year ago I was pregnant and scared to death that it wouldn’t stick. Now he’s here and he’s amazing!
3:22pm
• Waking up from another nap with the kid. Gee, I’m pretty tired today
•have checked Twitter. Now time to pee and prepare for kid to wake up. Changing and feeding him will eat up another half hour to an hour
•boy my days go by fast
3:56pm
• Forgot to check twitter. Damn light is blinking again
• New plan for today: change and feed kid, shower, family trip to the grocery store to pick up something for hubby to bbq
• I’d forgotten what it’s like to have a non-ttc/cycling/drug-induced period. Cramps have been replaced with a headache.
• Must add Tylenol to the shopping list
•have been drinking orange juice all day. Have ingested 300% of my recommended daily intake of vitamin C. Take that cold!
10:33pm
• Shopping is done. Spent more than we’re budgeted for but what else is new. Dinner has been cooked and eaten. And I’m 6 hrs behind on Twitter posts. All in all, a good day.
•tomorrow, laundry.
•this post has turned out to be much more than I had wanted it to be, I’m glad I took the time today to write it. And if you made it this far, I thank you for reading it
I’ve got a few minutes.
Mr. Cutieface is with my mom.
Instead of writing a proper post I’m going to go play Guitar Hero 5.
Yup.
ARRRrrrrggghhhhh! I hate not having the time to write posts!!! I have all this stuff in my head that needs to get out and I can’t get it done cause I just don’t have the time!
Balls!
I had a dream last night that my older sister came to the house to visit unannounced (one of my mom’s biggest pet peeves) and since it was the middle of the night everyone was sleeping. She woke me up and in order to be a buffer between her and mom I took her to the kitchen to show her the bottles I had pumped that day (??). On the way to the fridge I stepped in shards of glass (which has happened before. Mom has broken glass kitchenware and done a poor job of cleaning it up resulting in days worth of hubby and I stepping in glass), but instead of the one tiny shard I’m expecting to see in one foot when I look down, there are SEVERAL hunks of glass in BOTH feet! I try to walk away but the pain is too much, so I sit on the kitchen floor and proceed to pick the glass out of my feet with my big sister looking on. Thankfully the shards, though large and painful to remove, do not bleed. Then I woke up.
Needless to say I didn’t get much sleep after that.
Ok. So here I am, typing for the first time in, apparently weeks, getting my thoughts down on paper in cyberspace. Trying out my new cordless keyboard and mouse because despite searching for it, I have yet to find a laptop attachment for my nursing pillow so at least I’ll be able to type easier whilst feeding Mr. Cutieface.
That said, Mr. Cutieface is out with Sir Cutieface, on a car trip to the liquor store no less. Yes, I am a GREAT wife and mother 
Anyhoo, what’s been going on with me. Well, I’m unhappy to admit, the past few weeks have been a bit of a drag. Not with Cutieface mind you, he’s still awesome as ever.
I’ve been having problems getting along with my mom (shocker, I know).
Again, let me first state that I love my mother dearly, but the reality is that she’s just a very difficult person to live with. She is very judgemental, very critical, takes everything very personally, imagines every little thing as a slight to her and by slight I mean a personal attack worthy of her scorn and derision of everyone and everything around her. In short, she’s a very sensitive person. And very hard to please.
I’m not writing this post to complain about her though, I’m writing it so that I can remember that I finally figured it all out. How to handle living with her that is. Wait, that’s a lie. I haven’t figured out how to live with her peacefully, but I think I understand more how she’ll react to things I do or say to the point where I’m getting better at editing myself when I deal with her. A system that I haven’t perfected mind you, but I’m working on it.
For a while we were bickering with each other all the time over stupid things. As I’ve always felt, to live with mom is to live her life, in her shadow. To live my life I have to live away from her, but since that isn’t possible now I just basically have to suck it up until I go back to work. Sure I could go back to work when Cutieface is 6 months old when my employer stops paying mat leave pay and we have to rely solely on hubby’s pay and my EI benefits, but really why should I punish cutieface with my absence just because my mother is insane. If I have learned anything from her it’s that children would rather be po-ass-broke and have mommy around, than to have all the junk in the world and watch mommy walk out the door to work. That’s how I grew up. She was a single mom and chose to work double-shifts and night shifts and any shift she could get just so that she could give her daughters all the things we wanted, not realizing that we would rather have had her stay home with us more, help us learn and grow and do things with her instead of all the toys and such. We spent all our time raising ourselves and learning how to be independent because she was never there. I won’t do that to my children. Now that we’re grown up and independent, she hates that we don’t need her like she wants us to. Not our fault lady. You weren’t there when we needed you. We learned to do without. You can’t change the past.
But I digress.
Now that I have accepted her offer of help with regards to moving my family in to live with her, I realize that the price for that help is too high. I can never be the person she wants me to be. And it’s not just me. She is easily disappointed with everything I do, everything I’ve done with my life, and the same goes with my sisters, and every other family member she has. Her brothers and sisters and various other family members included.
You would think that my mom would be proud that she raised 3 wonderful, educated, funny, beautiful daughters who are productive members of society. I think if we had dropped out of high school to go work at some fast food joint, turned to drugs and prostitution and had crack babies everywhere she’d have a reason to treat us the way she does, but no. We turned out great and still, she’s not happy with us.
Over the last few weeks I have tried to speak with her to try to fix the wrongs and slights and personal attacks that she thinks I’ve done to her so that we’d get along better, but she just blew me off. I started to think I was in the wrong. That I was a bad daughter for not being more like what she wanted me to be. Crazy right? Shouldn’t I be who I am? Who I want to be? There’s only so much of my life and my soul I’m willing to give up in order to try to be the daughter she wants me to be. But it’s just not possible. I have to be who I am.
I may be a bad daughter to her, a poor example of a good Ni.gerian girl, but I am a good person.
I am an excellent friend, sister, wife and mother.
She taught me how to be those things.
And if she can’t see that, well, that’s not my fault. And not my loss.
Long story short (too late, I know) me and my family will live with her until I go back to work next May. I will do my best to watch my tongue around her, to do what she says (within reason) and to keep her happy. I will not take it personally when she says hateful things to me. I know that’s the way she is with everyone. She doesn’t know how to be any other way. I knew what I was getting into when we moved in here. I just have to stick it out and not let any of my negative thoughts towards her taint what I have with my son.
My relationship with my mother is unsalvageable. It is what it is. I can’t change or improve it.
My relationship with my son and my husband are the two most important things to me now. As they should be.
My PVR (Personal Video Recorder). Can’t. Live. Without. It.
It’s kind of like a TiVo where it allows me to tape all my shows and watch them later while also giving me the ability to fast forward through the commercials. I can also pause and rewind live TV. Now that I’m pretty much home all day every day and awake during some pretty ungodly hours at night, I’ve been able to pretty much tape everything I want so that I always have something interesting to watch no matter the time of day or week.
Soaps (Y&R), sitcoms (Two and a Half Men) Dramas, (Greys Anatomy) and Sci-Fi (Star Trek of all kinds), these are just a few of the 2 dozen or so shows that I now have at my fingertips because seriously, breast feeding can get pretty boring at times. It was fun to watch him nurse for the first month or so, but now, while he’s eating, I’m watching Mythbusters.
I’d also like to throw a shout-out to my giant HDTV and my PS3 which has given me many hours of HD and Blu-Ray viewing pleasure.
OMG I can’t even tell you how life saving and invaluable my Blackberry has been to me over these last 3 months. From blogging and tweeting on the go during my labour and delivery, to keeping me linked to the outside world when I’m breast feeding, I seriously get withdrawal sweats when I’m away from my berry too long. Until someone develops a nursing pillow with a laptop attachment, you won’t find me without my berry. Thank you RIM for saving my life and helping me to maintain my sanity during these last 3 months!
