Miscarriage is everywhere, we don’t get a mother’s day.

Women keeping secrets from each other is a horrible thing.  Especially when it comes to miscarriages.  Women don’t talk about them when they have them.  Did you know that miscarriages occur in something like half of all pregnancies.  (The ratio is probably higher than that, I haven’t consulted Dr. Wikipedia for my facts so don’t quote me on anything.)  Generally speaking, almost every woman of childbearing age will experience at least one miscarriage.  Think about that.  Your wife, your mother, your grandmother, your sister, your girlfriend, have all probably had a miscarriage, and they never told you, nor do they ever talk about it.  Or maybe they didn’t know they had one.  You know that time when you were on the pill or using protection and your period was late?  You were probably pregnant and miscarried.  Never thought about it that way did you?  For most women with regular cycles, stress around your ovulation date is pretty much the only thing that will make your egg pop later than it should, causing a late period.  But if you ovulated on time (do you even know when you’re ovulating? – think about it) and your period was late but came before you could pee on that stick, you were probably pregnant.  Think about that.  Didn’t know that did you?

It’s a crying shame I tell you.

Especially when a woman experiences the horror that is a miscarriage, she thinks she is the only one.  She thinks she is alone.  But only because no one talks about them.

Why is that do you think?

Knowing what I know now about reproduction, it’s miracle that babies are born at all! The odds are so high and stacked very much against bringing to term a healthy baby.  It’s a freakin miracle.  And all that crap they taught you in school about your body and how it works, was either wrong or it was only the tip of the iceberg.  You don’t know jack about the way your body works.  Women especially.  And don’t ask your family doctor.  They won’t tell you.  Unless you’re having problems that is.  Then they’ll tell you all kinds of stuff that they should have told you before but never did.

But I digress.

The whole point of this post is to put here what started as a note of sympathy to a woman on a board that I’m a member of.  She posted about grieving for her lost baby due to miscarriage and how no one understands that a loss of that kind is just as painful as loosing a baby that actually made it to term and died.

If you’ve never experienced this I can tell you it really is painful.  And if you have, than you have my heartfelt sympathies.

Anyways, this is part of the post I wrote:

Knowing what I know now about the legacy of silence women have endured about their miscarriages, I have made a promise to myself not to hide what is important from the people I love.  After my m/c I eventually found out that my mother, my aunt, and my older sister all had m/c (they all have 3+ children now each), and the fact that they never spoke about them hurts.  I knew about my mother’s m/c’s but she never spoke about them.  I have 2 younger sisters who are single and in their 20’s now, and I tell them everything that I’m going though so that they will know.  I want them to know so that if these kinds of things happen to them they will know that they are not alone, and that they can talk to me.  The three of us will be able to share this part of our lives with each other.  My hope is to build a level of openness in my family where we as women can share what we’re going through, so that we never feel alone.

 

 

 

And yes, your comments on this post are welcome.  In fact, don’t just post a comment.  Post a question.  About my miscarriage, about your miscarriage, about the birds and bees in general.  We should talk about these things.  That’s what the blogging world is for isn’t it?

 

No more secrets.

I’m tired of keeping them.

You must be too.